Today I saw…

Today I saw a man howl at the moon and I thought What Freedom.

Today I saw a man laugh at another man and I couldn’t decide whether or not it was funny.

Today I saw something destroyed, I had destroyed it, it delighted me.

Today I saw something destroyed, it didn’t mean anything to me but it saddened me.

Today I saw a happy couple and I thought they had no right to be so happy, I was jealous.

Today I saw a child cry and I thought What a Good metaphor for the World.

Today I saw an old women walking and it made me smile.

Today I saw a young women and I tried to imagine what she was thinking.

Today I saw the sunset and I could think of no words to describe it.

Today I saw a construction sight and it both angered me and made me nostalgic.

Today I awoke and went to bead and awoke again, I lived one full rotation of the Earth ’round the Sun, I laughed and became angry, I shouted and became sad, I saw many things and not all made an impression, most did not.
Today I awoke and went to bead and awoke again, I lived one full rotation of the Earth ’round the Sun, I laughed and became angry, I shouted and became sad.

Dirt!

I got dirty today!! My job does not often allow for me to indulge in such childlike pleasures, but today I was able to get filthy. I remember when I worked as a concrete finisher I would judge how well the day went by how dirty I was at the end of it, I would get covered in concrete, dirt, rust… I remember as a kid playing the dirt was the most fun a kid could have, you could make anything out of the mud! Splashing through puddles was always fun, sliding down a slick, muddy hill was the most exhilarating thing ever! I remember playing in mud puddles and loving it! Sand boxes! I mean really, they made a box of dirt just to play in. Even as I grew older, geting dirty was always fun, hiking and fishing you would always get wet and mudy, working on the car, playing with my dog… On and on, so, even though I still shower every day, getting dirty brings back the best times.

The devil (in) Man

I had a dream, day dream, that I was drunk and raving at a group of people. Shouting that they were nothing but failing bags of water and should spend less time pandering to the desires of their bodies and more time worrying about their souls. Which in a large part is true, people spend far too much energy and waste too much time on pleasing their skin bags then thinking about other things; However I will also say that we have to live in these skin bags and to care for them and to please them is not evil. I then started to shout at God and tell Him that this was all His fault, that He made Mankind, that He made the Devil and that the Devil was Man. I shouted that He would be better off just starting over. “Scratch that one Jesus, sorry about the Golgotha thing.” I ranted that we could no longer save ourselves, that we had gone too far and there was no turning back, we were doomed. In a way I suppose that is true. We, as a species, have gone to a far point with our technological developments, a point of no return. No longer will children grow up in America with the Idea of owning their own business; no more will families worry about moving their kids too much, after all we can keep in touch with people half-way ’round the globe; families period will be different, multiple parents will be the norm; Churches will change soon as well, we have already seen that with the advent of predominately homosexual congregations; our grandchildren’s freedoms will be less then we have now, its an alarming trend but more and more government controls are being seen; pollution will force an economic and technological change in the next 20 years; very few households are without a computer; everyone has access to the internet, secrets are increasingly hard to keep; news and television becomes more and more Interest controlled; most of America and her citezens are saved in bits and bytes on some computer… Point of no return. Still its not Doom as I said in my dream (day dream), its life and progress. However we need to be aware of what is going on around us, Ignorance is unforgivable (a sin), be aware of what we can do to make things better for ourselves, not for Future Generations, because nobody is motivated by such high ideals; “what is good for me is good for now” is our motto. We need to look at the beyond now though, because we will be living in the future at some point and that future needs to be as rosy as this present or better, preferably better. Then again it depends on your definition of good, of better. Most humanity is only interested in whats good for them, so ”if it doesn’t bother me now it wont bother me latter and I can safely keep my head in the sand were it is warm and comfortable.” ’warm and comfortable’… So many of us become just that, we are satisfied with life the way it is and care nothing for changing it, we have our needs met, our desires. Well at least as far as our house and food and job and kids are concerned. So then do we care more about our flesh and all its soft desires, or about our souls which will live on after the flesh? Socrates believed that we should abandon all else and pursue the enlightenment of the soul. Siddhārtha denied his body even food in the pursuit of enlightenment. So do we need to do this? Do we need to drop everything else and give over to meditation and contemplation? No. That is silly. We all have lives to live and things we wish to accomplish in this life, sitting under a tree for years is not one of them I’m sure. So the answer lies not in total devotion but in being aware, of at least knowing that there is more to life then the skin and bones you inhabit. You inhabit… We should all realize that our bodies are not us, just looking in a Mirror long enough will convince you (at least me). So if the flesh house is not us then what is us? A question that is a question in a question in a question, in short a quest, a “question quest.” That answer is not easy, nor easily come by. So in conclusion Man is the Devil and the Devil is in man, but the same is true for God.

my eyes burn

I have been extremely tired lately. Not during the day; when I awake, I wish I had dreamed and when its night, I wish I could sleep. I lay down and my head just buzzes… My eyes burn but I cant keep them shut. In the mornings I tell myself that it was a good-nights sleep that I did dream, I just don’t remember. I lie to myself, Unconvincingly. Always when I lie to myself I see the truth, I can never hide myself from me, it doesn’t work. Others may be able to, may be able to tell themselves all the pretty nothing words that mean something to them, that make them feel good to them, but I cannot. Dreams are a strange things, they mean a lot but not so much. Your subconscious and God and the voices of others all vie for attention in your sleep, when you sleep, if you sleep. When you awake and remember, as I do, the contents of your nights journey, you still wont know what the hell happened in that misty nether world. It is the rare and gifted one who can tell. Mostly its pieces of a larger frame work, frame of reference, point of contact, a spider web. Words, Words, Words. All words all nothing, air or less then air all pointing to what we should already see but still need the perspective of another to open our own eyes, “What do you see Uri?” “Well I would tell you but you would need my eyes, with my head behind them to see what I see.” “What do you see conscience?” “Why should I answer such a Question? You know the answer, if you just opened your eyes, you would see.” “What do you see God?” “…It is too much for eyes to take in, your mind to comprehend…” Like I didnt see that answer coming. Well, I think I am going to try and close my eyes and study the backside of the lids to them (more words for to say one thing). I always do that, take the long way about. I always come at it obliquely, most of the time missing the point all together. “The hard way…” would have been my answer to the question, never to the point, always essplain’in too much. Course I take the hard way in other things too… nee-way, to the back of my eye balls my conciseness flows, what it sees, only few select people know, and they don’t tell me.

Flat line.

“A person can be dead and still have a heart beat.” Words spoken to me by a good friend. She was right. What then is to have life? Obviously it’s not just breathing and walking and talking, not merely existing. Not merely existing. What then is to be? How do you define yourself? “I think therefore I am.” Not really. Ok, so if your here, your cognizant, you can talk and interact, your alive. No. The context of the Conversation was having to do with people who are blinded by there own self importance, people who think nothing of crushing another individual if it will get him what he wants; this applies to politicians, world leaders, c.e.o.s, and faith leaders. (I will not discuss that today.)
I take it further. To be is not to live. Merely existing is not enough to say you are truly alive. So what is life? It is all the experience you take with you into the future, all the lessons of everyday life, the time spent with someone, the time spent with yourself, all that you see and do, all that is done to you, for you, with you, the changes that you go through, the tragedies, the joys… This is life no? Then be alive to it, be alive to the moment, the thought, the brief period of wakefulness that you have. Be alive to the opportunity, to the chance, of calamity of triumph. Do not shut your eyes on anything. Live through what you go through, don’t just float down the river, unaware of the waves, and the rapids, unseeing of the trees and fish, of the sun reflecting off the glass that you travel through. Live, be alive.

Amen.

When I am Drunk….

“…all the things I keep inside my self, they vanish in the air.” Casting pearls before no-one. Speak and be heard by the stones and the trees and the sea. What I have inside is what was given me at birth, a message, a voice, a choice, a gift, an idea, a thought… I say what is right, and what is wrong. The answers are there in the face of your friend, your lover, your neighbor, your spouse, your sibling, your mirror. Life is a collection of brief encounters and forever connections, it is a time when you can speak and be heard, when you can think and not be interrupted. To die…. Once said to be great adventure. The past is death! We have birth, re-birth, time to see, time to be, to leave a mark and be grateful for life, for the chance to be, to see, to be, to sing, to be, to laugh, to be… I am. I am that I am, be here now, stand still and listen, Be, I think therefore I am, stand tall and do not flinch for when the wind comes you will bend and be strong & you will not break you will stand & last and become a stout tree & not break & not bend and you will be looked upon as a survivor & as a shade provider & as a protection and as a place of peace and wisdom.