Last

This will be my last post on this blog. I may or may not start another one at some unknown time in some unknown future. There are many things I didn’t post on; sex, drugs, rock and roll, the church, everyday happenings. But thats not important, in fact not too much of anything is too terribly important. What is important is Life. People forget to live sometimes, they get involved with everyday and forget to look up, look around and… fucking smile just to smile, laugh because the world is there running in its little gerbil ball around the sun and we’re along for the ride or cry or just stand there and feel your heart beat. I’m talking about being alive not just living, people all over just live, its boring and it kills. There is a quote that floats around, says “live life to its fullest” we forget the important part of that sentence ‘live life’! “Be here now” “Live in the moment”, once again the beginning of those sentences is the important part ‘Be’, ‘Live’. People need to pull their head out of their collective asses and smell the fucking roses! I guess my last post is to be a rant and not a very good one at that. Life is all we have on this earth, its Gods gift that we, of all the animals, can recognise it and enjoy it, sadly we can also destroy it or worse forget about it.

There was a man standing there with a far and distant stare I asked him what he was looking at at and he said shhhh so I took a silent step back, in time he bowed to the horrizon turned and walked away, I smiled, I didn’t expect to see God today.

And so ends this wonderful experiment/experience thank you for your patients.

life’s story, or “it’s karma.”

Life is our own story. More often then not we write our own way, our own end, with the things we say, the things we do and the way we play. Naughty or nice, mean or fair, your actions, your future. Karma is real and will circle back; what was yours to give will be given again. You just might be on the receiving end. Don’t think that you can get away by just living or being a good boy day after day. Your life is written by your thoughts as well, they are loud and we can hear them I’m ashamed to tell. That deep overflowing aquifer that is your soul wells up and spits up your thoughtactions. What you think you may as well do, it is after all the real you. Striped of all masks and makeup, no masquerade or magic, no hiding behind the curtain of false smiles and empty promises; what matters, the real you, is whats in the heart, that mask does not fool. The universe sees true intent and will not let you get away with it. Black your heart, then black you life. You are what you are, what you choose to be and in the end what you face will be you, what you are, what you were. There is an accounting taking place and even if you are behind a mask, God can still see your face.

disgruntled

Through the teeth, over the gums
Look out! stomach, here it comes;

dont spit back  up(shame shame)it only just got there
let it rest and permeate
( until you are wasted on it)
The sweet liquor of the PreacherMan

“The Prison” A brief Review

Skin deep, no more
My spirit seeks, it doesnt soar
Ankle-chained to granite flesh

This was inspired by a short that ms. Gothiquefae wrote and shared with me. The piece was very emotional.

The Quiet in the Storm

Ah, Midwatch again, it was wet… <Sailors HATE the midwatch, really though, they hate anything that keeps them from the rack. Amen: so be it.> WARNING comments that are christian in nature and intent lie ahead! I have to smile and laugh though because earlier in the day/night I had prayed because of a foreboding that I had and in part of the prayer I said “My God answers me with a furious shout and a voice like thunder”. HA! Jokes on me. So I was awoken an hour before my watch to go and help fix the lines going from the sub to the barge, also the brow from the sub to the pier was off the damn boat so that had to be fixed as well. The voice that awoke me was a shipmate of mine shouting furiously about having to get up, la-de-da, I had to get up too. Though I did not do so peacefully… So after the situation/emergency was taken care of I had to relieve the watch. As soon as I stepped up to relieve the watchstander of his weapon the skies opened up and turned into a monsoon. In less than thirty seconds my boots were full of water, I felt like I had just jumped into a pool. Someone upstairs had just dropped a bucket on me(and everyone else, but I wasn’t thinking about them at the moment). So, After conducting the worlds fastest gun turn over, I assumed the watch. I stood topside in Horizontal rain watching a brow I couldn’t even see for four hours. At some point in this watch, while I was standing there the wind died down and the rain stopped and I remembered my prayer and I heard a voice… Laughing. God had indeed answered my prayer, and He did it just like I said He would, The bastard. The funniest thing was that in the whole rainstorm there was a lot of lightning but only on report of thunder. Thank you God for your faithfulness to answer my prayers, next time I’ll ask for candy bars and chocolates. 

The devil (in) Man

I had a dream, day dream, that I was drunk and raving at a group of people. Shouting that they were nothing but failing bags of water and should spend less time pandering to the desires of their bodies and more time worrying about their souls. Which in a large part is true, people spend far too much energy and waste too much time on pleasing their skin bags then thinking about other things; However I will also say that we have to live in these skin bags and to care for them and to please them is not evil. I then started to shout at God and tell Him that this was all His fault, that He made Mankind, that He made the Devil and that the Devil was Man. I shouted that He would be better off just starting over. “Scratch that one Jesus, sorry about the Golgotha thing.” I ranted that we could no longer save ourselves, that we had gone too far and there was no turning back, we were doomed. In a way I suppose that is true. We, as a species, have gone to a far point with our technological developments, a point of no return. No longer will children grow up in America with the Idea of owning their own business; no more will families worry about moving their kids too much, after all we can keep in touch with people half-way ’round the globe; families period will be different, multiple parents will be the norm; Churches will change soon as well, we have already seen that with the advent of predominately homosexual congregations; our grandchildren’s freedoms will be less then we have now, its an alarming trend but more and more government controls are being seen; pollution will force an economic and technological change in the next 20 years; very few households are without a computer; everyone has access to the internet, secrets are increasingly hard to keep; news and television becomes more and more Interest controlled; most of America and her citezens are saved in bits and bytes on some computer… Point of no return. Still its not Doom as I said in my dream (day dream), its life and progress. However we need to be aware of what is going on around us, Ignorance is unforgivable (a sin), be aware of what we can do to make things better for ourselves, not for Future Generations, because nobody is motivated by such high ideals; “what is good for me is good for now” is our motto. We need to look at the beyond now though, because we will be living in the future at some point and that future needs to be as rosy as this present or better, preferably better. Then again it depends on your definition of good, of better. Most humanity is only interested in whats good for them, so ”if it doesn’t bother me now it wont bother me latter and I can safely keep my head in the sand were it is warm and comfortable.” ’warm and comfortable’… So many of us become just that, we are satisfied with life the way it is and care nothing for changing it, we have our needs met, our desires. Well at least as far as our house and food and job and kids are concerned. So then do we care more about our flesh and all its soft desires, or about our souls which will live on after the flesh? Socrates believed that we should abandon all else and pursue the enlightenment of the soul. Siddhārtha denied his body even food in the pursuit of enlightenment. So do we need to do this? Do we need to drop everything else and give over to meditation and contemplation? No. That is silly. We all have lives to live and things we wish to accomplish in this life, sitting under a tree for years is not one of them I’m sure. So the answer lies not in total devotion but in being aware, of at least knowing that there is more to life then the skin and bones you inhabit. You inhabit… We should all realize that our bodies are not us, just looking in a Mirror long enough will convince you (at least me). So if the flesh house is not us then what is us? A question that is a question in a question in a question, in short a quest, a “question quest.” That answer is not easy, nor easily come by. So in conclusion Man is the Devil and the Devil is in man, but the same is true for God.