Last

This will be my last post on this blog. I may or may not start another one at some unknown time in some unknown future. There are many things I didn’t post on; sex, drugs, rock and roll, the church, everyday happenings. But thats not important, in fact not too much of anything is too terribly important. What is important is Life. People forget to live sometimes, they get involved with everyday and forget to look up, look around and… fucking smile just to smile, laugh because the world is there running in its little gerbil ball around the sun and we’re along for the ride or cry or just stand there and feel your heart beat. I’m talking about being alive not just living, people all over just live, its boring and it kills. There is a quote that floats around, says “live life to its fullest” we forget the important part of that sentence ‘live life’! “Be here now” “Live in the moment”, once again the beginning of those sentences is the important part ‘Be’, ‘Live’. People need to pull their head out of their collective asses and smell the fucking roses! I guess my last post is to be a rant and not a very good one at that. Life is all we have on this earth, its Gods gift that we, of all the animals, can recognise it and enjoy it, sadly we can also destroy it or worse forget about it.

There was a man standing there with a far and distant stare I asked him what he was looking at at and he said shhhh so I took a silent step back, in time he bowed to the horrizon turned and walked away, I smiled, I didn’t expect to see God today.

And so ends this wonderful experiment/experience thank you for your patients.

agitated

I feel agitated, upset at the past. I feel helpless and lost, I feel impotent. I am nagged by a sensation that I missed what I was supposed to, that I missed what I could have and settled for something less. I feel there is magic in the world and that I am too mundane to see it. I feel heartbroken and failed. I feel old but I was born only yesterday.

Well that was depressing… So Be It!

I think I may be too empathetic. Pathetic being the operational word. I’m cynical and hard, compromised and solid. I am an everchanging Rock. My heart is as open-wide as my eyes. My heart is hardened and my soul was/is pure. The journey is long but we don’t care to think on the destination; the destination will get here when it will, without our help. On the road I decided to travel through the fields, in the fields I found my way back to the road, from there I went to swim in the river to fetch up on an unknown beach. Through this wilderness then I travel, fearless and afraid. I had a map for the road but I left it when I left it. Back before the fields in the land of sunrises and promises.

And the root of the problem is: “I don’t Know”.

Do I need to know though?

I don’t know.

life’s story, or “it’s karma.”

Life is our own story. More often then not we write our own way, our own end, with the things we say, the things we do and the way we play. Naughty or nice, mean or fair, your actions, your future. Karma is real and will circle back; what was yours to give will be given again. You just might be on the receiving end. Don’t think that you can get away by just living or being a good boy day after day. Your life is written by your thoughts as well, they are loud and we can hear them I’m ashamed to tell. That deep overflowing aquifer that is your soul wells up and spits up your thoughtactions. What you think you may as well do, it is after all the real you. Striped of all masks and makeup, no masquerade or magic, no hiding behind the curtain of false smiles and empty promises; what matters, the real you, is whats in the heart, that mask does not fool. The universe sees true intent and will not let you get away with it. Black your heart, then black you life. You are what you are, what you choose to be and in the end what you face will be you, what you are, what you were. There is an accounting taking place and even if you are behind a mask, God can still see your face.

Conversations with a Mirror

“Shutting down now,” Go to sleep.
“Forget you saw,” Don’t repeat.
“Ignore and turn away,” You didn’t see.
Flaws and failures, There still a mystery.
“Just shine and shine,” Cover up so much.
Truth is blind so don’t even touch.

“I don’t ask this lightly I expect you to comply
if at first you don’t succeed then just lie lie lie.
Its a simple favor really to just turn the other way
its a game you see, to win you must play play play.
Its a masquerade, it’ll be fun, here’s the mask I made.
So like your face they wont recognize, its you in disguise.
So straighten your collar, square you shoulders, lift your chin
go out the door and down the steps, and forget where you’ve been.”

Staring into eyes of my own not my own yet I know them.
I blink, stare, turn slightly watching me watching me.
I smile and wave, turn around. I wonder: am I still watching me?
Turn quickly but I’m too fast for me, there I am staring back at me.

for better not worse

I was in the middle of a conversation the other day, someone said ‘things could be so much better right now’ of course someone else immediately quipped ‘they could be worse.’ I hate that phrase. Why would we say that? It only creates a sense of complacency with the situation, if things could be better than they could be better not ‘oh well, it could be worse so I’ll just accept The Way Things Are. Fool! Better to recognise that things can change and set about changing them than sitting in a pile of filth and saying it could be worse! A lot of times that phrase is used to describe someones emotions, how they are feeling that day,
‘how are things bob?’
‘oh they could be better.’
‘yeah, but it could be worse.’
‘true.’
and bob goes on his merry way without examining the reasons for his malcontent. If you are not happy with the situation, change it. If you are not satisfied with the way your life is going, do something different. Fuck worse, who wants things to be worse?!? Morbidly insane people maybe. ‘It could be worse’ is an anesthetized bunny trail to complacency. Little bunny foo-foo hoppin through the forest doesn’t think to look and tRip-SplAt on his head.

a missing elevator ride

Today while riding the elevator to my room I lived an alternate reality… I think. Either that our I remembered things I had forgotten. Whatever it was I arrived at my floor without having passed any other floor, just get in, get out. Now these elevators are not very fast either, their rickety and old, they take forever to get started and sometimes don’t stop where their supos’ to and when they do stop it very nearly sends you to the floor, but not this time. I stepped in and I stepped out, no in-between. In the minute or so that it takes to get from ground to floor I lived something else, I don’t even really remember it, that other-life,  just pieces… Like shreds of a sheet flapping madly in the wind.