Last

This will be my last post on this blog. I may or may not start another one at some unknown time in some unknown future. There are many things I didn’t post on; sex, drugs, rock and roll, the church, everyday happenings. But thats not important, in fact not too much of anything is too terribly important. What is important is Life. People forget to live sometimes, they get involved with everyday and forget to look up, look around and… fucking smile just to smile, laugh because the world is there running in its little gerbil ball around the sun and we’re along for the ride or cry or just stand there and feel your heart beat. I’m talking about being alive not just living, people all over just live, its boring and it kills. There is a quote that floats around, says “live life to its fullest” we forget the important part of that sentence ‘live life’! “Be here now” “Live in the moment”, once again the beginning of those sentences is the important part ‘Be’, ‘Live’. People need to pull their head out of their collective asses and smell the fucking roses! I guess my last post is to be a rant and not a very good one at that. Life is all we have on this earth, its Gods gift that we, of all the animals, can recognise it and enjoy it, sadly we can also destroy it or worse forget about it.

There was a man standing there with a far and distant stare I asked him what he was looking at at and he said shhhh so I took a silent step back, in time he bowed to the horrizon turned and walked away, I smiled, I didn’t expect to see God today.

And so ends this wonderful experiment/experience thank you for your patients.

1of2 unfinished.

I am a Porcupine
a Prickly pear
Did not mean to be
But its for my safety

First I built walls
But I couldn’t get out
I lived in a glass house
It broke
I ran to the Hills
I just got lost

So better to be Prickly                            Than remote
People still get Close
Then they don’t

Being a porcupine is easier
I can get close
W/out touch or contacting
I can insulate w/out Disappearing

life’s story, or “it’s karma.”

Life is our own story. More often then not we write our own way, our own end, with the things we say, the things we do and the way we play. Naughty or nice, mean or fair, your actions, your future. Karma is real and will circle back; what was yours to give will be given again. You just might be on the receiving end. Don’t think that you can get away by just living or being a good boy day after day. Your life is written by your thoughts as well, they are loud and we can hear them I’m ashamed to tell. That deep overflowing aquifer that is your soul wells up and spits up your thoughtactions. What you think you may as well do, it is after all the real you. Striped of all masks and makeup, no masquerade or magic, no hiding behind the curtain of false smiles and empty promises; what matters, the real you, is whats in the heart, that mask does not fool. The universe sees true intent and will not let you get away with it. Black your heart, then black you life. You are what you are, what you choose to be and in the end what you face will be you, what you are, what you were. There is an accounting taking place and even if you are behind a mask, God can still see your face.

on the surface

Back from under the water again, 5 days of underway gone away. 5 days of routine of planed waking and sleeping. Ah, back to shore. I had a thought while reading a new book of mine today (God’s Demon) that we are all wrestling with who we are, who we underneath the surface. When the skin is peeled back and the eyes open their doors. When your heart is laid out on the examination table and your soul speaks for you. How many are unhappy with what they are, how many are at unrest with themselves? I am convinced that a big part of life is coming to grips with the reality of yourself, when you truly know yourself, know what you are capable of then life holds few surprises. Becoming comfortable with ones-self, living in your skin… how is it to be done, and should it be done? Should we not strive for change, to better ourselves and raise in stature and standing, to become wise and understanding. Can that be done without first being at peace with who you really are? Should we not examine ourselves fully and critically before we decide to change what we don’t even know? Living is easy, breath in breath out wake and go through the motions. Having Life, living Life, is something different; its something I want, something to strive for, to grasp at with every ounce of will and grip with the force of conviction. Life is a fervour, its a fever, burning, igniting everything it touches. Life lives beneath the surface, its not hiding but not always found. We live beneath the surface, showing our face rarely like some mysterious cave creature that is afraid of the light of day.  Day in, Day out we see the surface, we glance and don’t penetrate. Everyday life happens all around us and the surface is everything that is around us, our eyes are not trained to see beyond, to see the Life in the everyday. To penetrate the skin layer, to see into the eyes to what lives beyond them, to feel the soul of a thing…. To live and be aware, to not let the surface fool, to be penetrating in gaze and thought and action…
“The surface is everything…” ~3EB

A day Richer, a Dollar poorer

One more duty day over and done, complete, over-done.  I was the hero of the drunks last-night: I fixed the duty van. Van. Ugh. So yeah, I got to get greazy and dirty, covered in coolant and shocked half to death. I loved every minuet of it. Fixed the hole in radiator, fixed the problem with the spark plugs, got the Van running and then…    stood watch. Fun Fun Fun ’till they take my wrench away. Not much else doing yesterday, I really just enjoyed myself for once. I am at peace most when I have a problem to fix, when I can fix the problem. I love problems. I love troubled relationships, I like arguing. I like to wrestle. I like resistance, the Idea of overcoming, conquering. Steel is sharpened by stone, so then I am made stronger by resistance. Never seek the easy path, it leads to complacency, to an early death and the hands of a meat shop butcher. Baa Baa Black Sheep…. “Get rid of them black sheep, they stick out like a sore thumb, they need to be silenced, to be hidden and forgotten!” Stay Noticeable! Don’t dye your wool, don’t be what your not. Accept the resistance, learn to love it, to thrive on it. When I am in the middle of a wrestling/boxing-kicking-biting match I laugh… I laugh when anyone tells me To silence myself, to blend myself, to lessen myself. Their resistance makes me laugh. Now I’m not saying ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ that is a stupid, stupid saying. I am saying that resistance and opposition strengthens you. It can change you, don’t be afraid to change, just be wary of it. Change is good, we should not sit in the same pool unless it is a bubbling pure stream. Truth doesn’t change, Ideas of truth do. What you believe to be Truth may not in fact be so. Examine all things, be critical. Seek Truth, Seek what is right and true. Do not seek justice for perfect justice is perfectly blind and we must all then be judged. Justice is Gods domain, man should not presume to know what justice is. But What is right, Truth can be known, it can. At rock bottom in the heart of man is truth. Listen to your neighbor, truth comes in the wind of emptiness, mouths speak without ever knowing what come out of them, it is up to us to listen and interpret. Do not speak emptily. Truth is born in the hearts of man it is in us at birth, be aware and do not let the sounds of everyday drive away what is right and true. baa baa black sheep have you any wool, yes sir, yes sir.

Today I saw…

Today I saw a man howl at the moon and I thought What Freedom.

Today I saw a man laugh at another man and I couldn’t decide whether or not it was funny.

Today I saw something destroyed, I had destroyed it, it delighted me.

Today I saw something destroyed, it didn’t mean anything to me but it saddened me.

Today I saw a happy couple and I thought they had no right to be so happy, I was jealous.

Today I saw a child cry and I thought What a Good metaphor for the World.

Today I saw an old women walking and it made me smile.

Today I saw a young women and I tried to imagine what she was thinking.

Today I saw the sunset and I could think of no words to describe it.

Today I saw a construction sight and it both angered me and made me nostalgic.

Today I awoke and went to bead and awoke again, I lived one full rotation of the Earth ’round the Sun, I laughed and became angry, I shouted and became sad, I saw many things and not all made an impression, most did not.
Today I awoke and went to bead and awoke again, I lived one full rotation of the Earth ’round the Sun, I laughed and became angry, I shouted and became sad.